back for the hols...both of us, of course..anyway, he's busy...for sure...feeling the urge to write...a lot of things..lots of transparent mirrors between us...what actually happened??i really am sad and disappointed when he talked harshly to me two days ago...however, i dont blame him...as he had stated very clearly of his decision to me...i will give him my full support...he didnt even sent an sms to me for 24hours...at 1am, he sent one though...just to wish me good night....is it so difficult for him to just spare a minute, just a minute....to tell me how is he??i dont really understand that...when i told him about this, guess what was his reaction?? "...kay, dont pressure me k?im motivated for spm already..." he even told me few nights ago that he dont want to think about love anymore...i wish him the best...i dont know why didnt i left him when i heard that....he promised me before that he wouldnt hurt me the way my past boyfriends did...i think, he forgotten about it...are promises to him are really like this?is it so hard for him just to understand how i feel??maybe, just maybe, im not worth for him to even spare a thought for my feelings...to him, if i love him, why cant i wait for him? y cant i just support him for this two months, and y would i leave him when he's busy if i really love him?he told me, that this is not love if i only want him when he's free...actually sarhan, if i dont cry, it doesnt mean that i dont feel pain....if i dont yell, it doesnt mean that u arent hurting my feelings....and actually, i just need the old you....not to say 24hours, but just when you are free....nowadays, u changed...you talk to me like you dont care...i know you care and you love me...but, this is not the way i can take it...maybe my friend is right...im tired...i cant be the ever perfect and patient Jane in your eyes...no matter how hard i try, i dont really have a place in your heart....i will always be here for you though....just turn back and look for me if you need me...like how you are doing now...when you are lonely, you contact me..but when you are not, im just a shit...yeah, you are not going to like this after you read it, i know...but you are really hurting me...i try to be strong but i cant...its already 5months and 15days since we started...you are the first guy, who made me had the confidence to stand up again after i fell a year ago...since i met you, my whole life changed...you are a good guy, remember that...i guess we are not suitable....anyway, im going to cherish you and give you an unforgetable time until spm finishes....then, i will wish you the best in your future undertaking....i wished you really loved me....however, i dont think i would find love anyway...im just like a stick on note...you need it, you use it, you used it, you tear it....if you ever have the chance to read this, and if you still have feelings for me, what i would like to tell u is dont be guilty for causing me to become like this...we decided to be together, and this is our fate...woo jane back, while there's still time....everytime i hear how u treat her, i really am jealous...and whenever you dont care, the thought of why cant you treat me like how u treat her always occurs...although u dont love her like you love me, but at least she had you and she was loved by a guy, who would wait for her sms eventhough he knows that she doesnt even reply long till 2am in his hands....i really want to breakdown sometimes....but whenever i want to initiate a breakup i cant stand just to imagine your dejected face....getting back to the past, its almost impossible now, or even after spm...i did my best to make u feel loved..during the second you first told me about your story with jane, i promised myself not to be like this....but in the end, you were the one who became her....you once told me, no matter how busy you are, you wont treat me the way she did to you...maybe you dont realise, but you are doing these now...the feeling of being left alone, maybe you know better than anyone else...i never regret being with you, although lots of people asked me to leave....i held the hope, hoping that you would love me like you once did....im still holding on it...but maybe, i dont have the energy and courage anymore....we have 93days left....although i really dont want to let you go but i cant be your girlfriend anymore...i cant feel your unconditional love like i used to...the memory of me and you, will be etched here in my heart forever....i promise that...you must find your happiness, sarhan...someone who will truly be weighed tons in your heart....then, you will know what's the meaning of love....as i end this post, my heart will also will be sealed...we dont talk the way we used to talk...and its hurting so deep....i've got my pride too...sorry, but i really cant do it anymore...i love you but im not a toy...i really, really need the old you....
Sarhan's Stick On Note
i❤hvayn™
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1 comment:
hey girl.
i'm sooooo sorry that u r in diz condition now.
i noe how u feel.
i noe how it hurts to be 'stick it notes'.
but,
myb he's tooooo stressed up.
guess he's not sum ordinary school boys. normaly they study, play, n love at the same time.
guess being a GOOD student makes him that.
makes him neglect u.
though he is surely not forgetting u.
but, he is keeping u in a distant right.
juz, be patient for love will find its way if there is one.
but if it doesnt work out, guess ur not meant for each other.
juz gv him time.
for his studies.
then afta that, if he still doesnt change.
guess, u noe for urself wut to do rite.
i noe u can handle this.
but its hard to be left alone.
idk y i am telling u this strong words.
i want u to be strong.
ur 14 dear.
there's a loooooooong long way to come.
many guys can cheer up ur life.
although for this mean time u feel he's the one.
but let's just pray for the best now.
n if there's such jodoh.
u guys will be fine.
truly love,
ur luvvy ex dormie.
kak rose.
(:
p/s: u noe ily rite!!
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