*burpie burp* =D..hehe..im bloated now..i guess he does too...i fasted with hubby today :)..he's currently doing his tarawikh prayers...if i get that spelling right, it should be it...hehe...i woke up at 2pm today...byby woke me up...unbelievable right?haha...hmph, but nothing's impossible :p...i really like it when he wakes me..i like it when he takes the first move, not me..haha...but its ok...i kw he cant..so, im gonna try my best...haih, but i miss him...i wish that we could spend more time together...i dunno why but i feel that im going to lose him soon..i know i shouldn't feel anything related to that as we have our promises and we trust each other..however, thats exactly how i feel...cant help it...especially when he's not there for me..i know this situation isnt what he wants either...i know he's busy...spm coming...spm spm...everyday, i would remind myself like this...i've come to terms with it, but i hope i can see more light though..its killing me..the feeling..no one would understand...i know he's not ignoring me...he doesnt even have time for a good rest, so, how can he spend time with me??i want him to make himself priority for now...but i cant help feeling insignificant...my fault...>.<..anyway, i really must be strong..i cant let my own feelings ruin myself, him, or our relationship...everything's important...he needs my support, and that's what I will give him...i want him to feel loved, not burdened....because love is supposed to be like this...making a person happier, making a person easier, and making a person better...but if its burdening him....i rather leave than making him suffer...one may think that these words are really nothing, but if you do, please think back and reflect then..on the other hand, i need him too...i really need him...he cant give me that now..i know...nothing can help it..he has important tasks to carry out his duties, i know...i just wish him the best...god bless him....if i keep repeating these words to him, he will not like it...he says its boring him out...yeah, maybe..but maybe our thinking are really different....as if im receiving the 'FM connection' and he's receiving the 'AV connection'...sometimes i wonder, are we really suitable together??but i dare not dig my head for the answer...still lack of confidence...not in this relationship, of course...but maybe, with myself??i know i cant make him happy...maybe i should leave...i think i really should...but, my selfishness really doesnt want me to let go..and i dont, too...hope things turns for the better after all this..time, please pass faster...this is really killing me...its not hard to wait for him...because even if we really part a day, his place in my heart would never really be replaced....i really need that unconditional love i used to feel...i cant feel it anymore now...it's not a fact of being romantic or not, but the feeling..it just aint the same anymore...when can i have you back, sweetheart???i cant wait for all this to end, but i will wait, of course =D....although its still a long way to go.....2nd of December..please end faster!!Sarhan, I really wished u r by my side this very moment..i know u hate me saying these...but i really need you to know...I love you...
ViviaN
i❤hvayn™
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